Friday, May 28, 2010

Confusion Runs Deep

So I’m listening to yet another book on tape, and this one is a Stephen Covey course, of sorts, on how to focus. Whether personally or professionally, the idea is that you want to make sure you’re focused on the right things – you want to spend your time and energy on those things. To do this, you need first to identify your values and make sure your priorities are clear.

Hmmm. So what are my values? Seems like a simple question. And yet I find myself struggling a little. I can’t tell if it’s because I don’t know what they are, or I don’t know what it will mean to define my actions around them, or because I’m worried that some of them will contradict each other. I think the latter used to be more the case, especially when I was younger (and oh so much more immature). I wanted to be healthy so I’d run, but then I’d totally go out and party like a rock star with friends (quality time spent building relationships?), followed by a day of horrible eating to take care of the hangover. Mostly I think I was just winging things – whatever felt good at the time. Which I think there is also come benefit to? Ugh. Figuring all this out is hard. Sometimes I wonder whether it’s good to spend all this time working on myself, or if I’m really just adding to the confusion in my head. Sheesh.

Quiet would be nice – some simplicity and quiet. It’s hard to sort out MY values when meanwhile I’m bombarded by messages telling me what my values ought to be. Be thin! But love who you are! Be an independent woman! But build a good home and put your family first! Exercise! But make sure it’s the right kind! Do what you want! But not THAT! Ack! It’s no wonder I’m so damn confused.

I guess that to figure out my values I’d do myself a favor to shut out some of the noise for awhile. I don’t want other people’s opinions on my list of values – it’s MY list. So go make your own.

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