So one thing I’m realizing is that when I’m moving forward with positive momentum, it’s reminiscent of downhill skiing. I’m flying down the cool white mountain and it feels awesome and amazing and powerful, but if I let my brain enter the equation and it has time to point out that I’m going insanely fast and if I fall I’ll probably break my leg, I’m screwed. I can’t listen. I can’t let that thinking interrupt my groove, or I’m a goner.
I wrote recently about cycles, and I went from a pretty low one to a kind of crazy high one rather quickly. I’d think I was bipolar except I’ve had confirmation I’m not from legit sources. ;-) But I do think that the ups and downs are not unique to me. What I do want to do is get a better handle on controlling them. And most importantly, figuring out how to hold onto the good flow that I get into at times like this. Can I cruise along without letting a bump, big or small, completely derail me? Or even partially derail me?
In the past I think I’ve been pretty cavalier about the joyful downhill ski runs. Enjoy the moment, let the wind flow over me and relish the speed until the inevitable end (be it via crash or hitting the end of the run). I’ve tried to push the logical thoughts aside – they didn’t have a place in that moment. But now I’m thinking that they do. I need to be conscious and thoughtful about the experience this time – and rather than just “go with the flow”, teach myself how to harness it. Because if I can turn on that kind of positive moment whenever I want – how amazing would THAT be?