I’ve been recently reminded of how physically taxing it is to be mentally and emotionally functioning at a high level of intensity. I remember when I went to the Peace Corps I spoke no Spanish (aside from “Hola” and “Cerveza”). I lived with a family, so I was immediately in a situation where I struggled to communicate daily. The first 3 months in country I spent in crash language and cultural courses, ramping up faster than I ever remember doing before or since. Most nights I was so completely and totally exhausted from the mental and emotional energy I had used that day that I hit the bed at about 8pm every night.
I feel like that now. I’ve got some pretty intense stuff going on at work, and I’ve also taken on some personal work that involves what I guess could be defined as a personal deep dive into myself. And man, I am just BEAT. Its all so good, and I know the work and the effort will be totally worth it on all counts. I think I just haven’t taken on something big and new for a long time, so I forgot how tiring it can be.
All that said, its also very exhilarating after such a long time to challenge myself. I’m not bored, that’s for certain. And to some degree I’m altering the very foundation that I’ve used as my personal bedrock for most of my life. Pretty scary and weird, and also really cool to know that you can shift gears anytime in an effort to get things more right. To be better and to live better.
So its 8: 15pm and I’m wiped. So off to bed. Looking forward to sharing more about what’s going on as I process. Brain shutting off…..NOW.