I was talking to a friend today, and we were talking about my fears and just generally about the negative feelings that we as humans harbor. It was kind of enlightening to notice that so many things I fear or that I resent are things that are self-inflicted. Things I’m holding onto – not something that is being forced on me. Which is cool – because if its in my control, well, then I should just be able to let them go, right?
Right. But…wait. How? Exactly where I’m at now. One thing that I’m doing to figure it out is to kind of flip the table a bit. Instead of looking at all the things I want to get rid of, I’m trying to look at the things I want to be/have/feel. What does the best me look like to me?
I’m brought back to the comment of an extremely sane friend who listened patiently as I bitched about what someone had said or done and how much it upset me and so on and so on. When I stopped to take a breath he looked at me evenly and asked, “why do you care?” I was stumped. Why DID I care? I couldn’t control that person's actions, focusing on it only bothered me, and it had nothing to DO with me. It was that other persons issue. I think about that comment a lot, and I still don’t have a good answer. It’s impossible for me to not care at all what other people think, but I certainly could do with a healthy slide down the scale in that direction.
Not sure how to do that either. But hey, at least I’m trying. Right?