Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Welcoming the Breeze

I love quotes. Sometimes other people have already summed up what I’m thinking or feeling. Sometimes I just love the way a quote hits me. One I ran across is from a writer named Barbara De Angelis; “We need to find the courage to say “NO” to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”

I think that’s pretty awesome. For me, I’m thinking more about the thoughts and emotions that aren’t serving me well. Like so many other things, I’ve definitely settled into an emotional pattern with feelings like fear and lack of self-esteem (to name just a couple). Even if they’re negative emotions, there is a comfort in them. I know them, what they feel like, how I respond to them. To move away from them means moving to feelings I’m unfamiliar with. And as someone recently told me (and I’m sure its quoted from someone/somewhere) – “the hell you know is less scary than the heaven you don’t”. Something like that, anyway. True indeed.

Getting older is something I love, and I think a large part of that is because every year I get more courage to cast off things that aren’t working. I wish I could be more aggressive about it, but regardless of the pace, I’m better every year. I will say that I think sometimes things happen that do force a much bigger leap forward, for whatever reason. I probably won’t have a good view of this for years to come, but I do think this is one of those years for me. The kind of year that marks a shift in myself, my career, my relationships, my life. The catalyst? It would have to be the untimely death of my father. Nothing like watching someone struck down quickly to make you think about life and how you’re living it.

I’m not saying I can toss off the security blanket of fear and self-judgment completely, or in one gesture. I’ve worn that fabric for a long time. But I’m pretty excited about pushing it off a shoulder and seeing what the breeze will feel like.

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