I’ve been thinking a lot about being present, or in some cases, not being present. Not in a physical sense, but in the way we are as we live our lives. And I haven’t been very present lately. In exploring the “why” around that, I read that one of the basic instincts we have as humans is the tendency to bolt. That doesn’t necessarily mean physically bolting, but in more cases, its referring to our mental tendency to bolt. We bolt and hide through our obsessions – with food, or alcohol, or drugs, or sex, or whatever. Focusing on our obsessions means we don’t have to focus on what’s really going on. We can hide from it. Escape. Numb ourselves.
That was what I was doing, though I didn’t fully realize it. I knew something was off, but I couldn’t figure it out. And then suddenly I got it. And just like that, I was back. Back in my skin, back in my experiences, just present. And it feels awesome.
I know that staying in this place will require energy. But it’s so much less of a struggle than creating obsessions and distractions. I’m still learning and figuring it out, but this “conceptual leap” (to borrow Erika’s mom’s phrase) was a long time coming. And I’m glad for it.